tequila_sunset: it's not even voluntary anymore, is it? (the expression)
Harry Du Bois ([personal profile] tequila_sunset) wrote in [personal profile] jesuisfatigue 2022-05-16 04:56 am (UTC)

cw: misogyny

Harry on the other hand eats slowly, he enjoys eating with people like this. Even with Jean. And he especially likes watching him. He can see how much he’s really appreciating it, even if he doesn’t want to say it. Or can’t say. It’s not like eating with Kim or watching other people at diners.

If you want to watch people eat and just exist you can’t do much better than a diner. He does remember that the nice restaurants in Revachol West are their own kind of fun because people put on masks and you can sit there all night and peel them off one by one, layer at a time. But you can’t only look at rich people and you can’t only look at diner people. The world is a wonderful spread of places and personalities and cruel needless divisions and Harry catalogs the differences. He sees everything but he understands next to nothing.

Then Jean turns away, and Harry is suddenly very pissed off that this mood between them has broken.

EMPATHY - (What did you do to this man? To make him so scared of you even looking at him?)

PAIN THRESHOLD - (What you do to everyone, eventually.)

INLAND EMPIRE - (The flinch, the turn, her soft profile has become gaunt in flickering kitchen light. But then she turns back, her face is twisted and you reek of alcohol on this early morning. Already miles away from Marvel Hill:)

INLAND EMPIRE - (WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? GIVE ME ONE FUCKING DAY YOU BASTARD!)

INLAND EMPIRE - (JUST ONE! DON’T YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT- LIKE I’M SOME KIND OF LOWLIFE CRIMINAL SHIT!!)


[I’M SORRY I CAN’T STOP THE STUPID BITCH DOESN’T GET IT.]

Silence stretches on. Harry stares at his bowl. His brain rotates words around. Apologies. Slurs. Threats. He wonders what he actually said. Or if he just burst into tears like his face is trying to do right now.

He needs to say something. He needs to say something it’s gone on too long. His palms are sweating and his hands are shaking.

1. I’m bi-sexual. 2. I think I like hurting women more than men. Also this is definitely sexual for me, this whole killing and eating people thing. The cooking? Also sexual. Extremely. 3. When Alfred took my soul he found something beautiful in me and he took it and it’s gone now and I don’t even care! He can have it.


[Do I have anything else?]

4. I’m in love with Lieutenant Kitsuragi. 5. I’m in love with Lieutenant Kitsuragi and if I think about hugging him I get freaked out. 6. I think my brain is getting worse all of my thoughts are wrong. I just want to hurt people. 7. (Say nothing, just start yelling to break the silence. Maybe a miracle will happen and words will come out.)

“I’m bi-sexual.”

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